Tuesday, October 23, 2012

3 Sentence Pitch

Can you guys help me turn the stuff below into a three sentence pitch.
My Attempt...
Seventeen year-old Iraq war refugee Mirriam Yohanna hates her new life in Killeen, Texas where the main attraction is a military base, and army brats like Caleb Miller think it's okay to call a gril you don't know beautiful, or anything other than her name. Forced to spend time together by a government project, the two become an inseparable pair, and when Mirriam is able to tell Caleb the hidden truth about his soldier father's death their lives are irrevocably changed.When her family learns about her new found love, their response is to arrange her marriage with an Iraqi man, and Mirriam is desperate to find a way out of this arrangement--to be with Caleb.

Query Blurb

Angry Iraqi war refugee Mirriam Yohanna hates her new life in Killeen,Texas, and hates that boys like Caleb Miller think it's okay to call a girl you've never met beautiful—or anything other than her name.
After Mirriam turns him down in front of everyone, Caleb's up to the challenge of taking her to prom when his friends dare him. As the two start spending time together, Mirriam proves to be a good friend to have. When Caleb's leg is crushed in a hit and run, Mirriam is there to pull him out of the street and push him to keep living. She's also able to tell him the shocking truth about his soldier father's death. Something the other soldiers would never do. That single truth changes both of their lives and strengthens their bond.
Caleb and Mirriam have fallen hard for each other, but when her family finds out, they decide it's time to arrange her marriage to a proper Iraqi man. She must find a way out.

2 comments:

  1. I'll give it a try:

    Seventeen year-old Iraqi war refugee Mirriam Yohanna hates her new life in Killeen, Texas, with its military base and army brats like Caleb Miller. When a government project forces the two teens to spend time togehter, however, Mirriam tells Caleb the truth about his father's death, changing their lives forever. As love grows between Mirriam and Caleb, her famiily arranges marriage with an Iraqi man and their daughter, leaving her desperate to find a way out.

    This is rough, but maybe it'll give you some ideas. :)

    ReplyDelete